Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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