Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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