In the future we'll all be gay
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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