lets start a swedish sibling band together
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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