Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
