There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
