i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
