I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I party with great urgency now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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