he puts the penis in happiness.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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