Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
