I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry about my life...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize