Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
