I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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