just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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