I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
only you would photoshop your dick
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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