38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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