I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
