You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
