mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
