and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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