I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
