is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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