How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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