i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
