I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
