Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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