not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
