I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
