I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
