Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. š¦
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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