She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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