feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
