I feel great
I just peed on a car
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Operation Purity has been aborted
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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