My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
drinking out of a sandbucket again
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
