How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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