After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
