I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
