Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
too bad you live with your parents still
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
