The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
