dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
NoShamevember. You game?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
