i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
