Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
should my penis look like a turkey
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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