well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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