My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
