my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
