the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
