I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
