I love black thongs
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's blow job season.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
