Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
