I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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