I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Boobs are out for the taking
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
