I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
