note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
