she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
