Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
