true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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