You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
