am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
