Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
