the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
