Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
