you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
