I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
