You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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