I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
