if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
