apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
