i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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