Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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