i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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