how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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