he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
