so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
