After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
