She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
