see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
