I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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